Handling Dating Worries

A recent study has found that nearly half of all single individuals are not actively dating at present. When pressed further, we learnt that most of them distance themselves from love out of worry about dating. 

Research also indicates that a large number of people who are in relationships are worried about their future with their partners because they feel overwhelmed about their love life. We understand completely that relationships can be stressful sometimes! Remember that it’s absolutely normal to feel nervous when you meet someone new, and worrying about your future with your partner is also normal because perfection does not exist. With that said, however, overwhelming worry about dating (to the extent that you can’t focus on other areas of your life) is something that needs to be addressed in time. In this article, I’m going to share with you several effective ways to overcome dating anxiety and manage your dating fears. I hope it’ll put your worried mind at ease and let you breathe easier!

Introspection about the possible reasons why you feel anxious about dating and relationships:

It’s easy to identify external factors that make you concerned: your parents want grandchildren as soon as possible; your friends give you tremendous peer pressure; your ex stressed you out…

But in order to calm yourself down, you have to know the internal factors that worry you. Are you worried about rejection? Do you still need to heal the trauma or ease the pain from a past relationship? Do you feel like you’re stuck in the past?

Let’s try smoothing over these worries one at a time.

Fear of rejection

It’s not easy for many people to admit that they have fear of rejection because they worry that people might link it with a lack of confidence. I would argue that if you never have a rejection, that literally means you are only reaching for the low-hanging fruit without realizing your true potential. When you receive a rejection, at least you know you’ve tried your best, so you can sleep well at night! What should actually worry you is that you didn’t even take a risk and try to make something great happen! Remember – you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.

Ghosts of their past

Some people are deeply affected by their past relationships and might not want to talk about it because they don’t want to relive and face what happened again. Nevertheless, without coping with the issues in the past correctly, it’s hard for them to handle and embrace the future. This is why most dating experts (and this one too) advise that you process the lessons that you have learned from your previous relationships and utilize what you’ve learned to empower yourself in future.

In addition, if this aspect of your life is affecting other areas of your life, please consider consulting with a professional about it. Your love life and your mental health deserve high-quality support.

Meanwhile, I have some suggestions for you.

Some Tips…

Practising Mindfulness

Try some mindful meditation. There are many meditation apps that you can download and use on a daily basis which if used consistently will help your body sink into a rhythm of feeling present and calm. When you focus on what’s happening in the now, your concerns about the future wouldn’t bother you all the time.

Seek Professional Insights

Consider speaking to a professional. Professional counsellors have many effective insights and mental tools that will help you. Take, for example, cognitive-behavioral therapy. CBT is a form of talking therapy that can help you manage your problems by changing the way you think and react to certain situations. There are plenty of resources if you’re keen to know how they may benefit you. CBT and other forms of talk therapy is an effective ways to overcome your worries and fears. If your fear of opening up to someone in that special capacity is hampering your well-being, do consider speaking to a counsellor – they are there to help you and their services guarantee client confidentiality. It allows you to discover things about yourself that you never knew.

Exposure therapy

Aside from CBT, exposure therapy has been proven to be highly effective. Exposure therapy is about giving yourself the opportunity to be in the situations that you fear and gradually getting used to those situations, so you won’t feel as anxious anymore. For instance, if you have dating fears, you may start from online dating and chat with one person per day. With time, you’ll chat with more people online, and then you’ll meet them in person. Slowly, you will find dating easier and easier.

Consider daily relaxation techniques such as receiving a massage, using essential oils, or having a bath at night. Life’s daily worries and stresses can be handled and eased effectively with a healthy coping mechsanim, and this will help prevent all your worries from taking a toll on you in the long run.

Even just a simple and powerful relaxation technique helps! For exmample, try to get as much sleep as possible. For instance, this week I’ve been sleeping for more than 7 hours every night. Sometimes I slept for 10 hours a day (including the nap in the daytime). It’s a very helpful technique because when I have enough rest, I feel much less anxious and more relaxed. 😊

Explore your hobbies

Lastly, there are a wide variety of self-care practices for managing anxiety: physical exercise, social support, interests and hobbies…. Personally, I enjoy dancing rather than going to the gym. I like talking with my close friends who support me at all times. I have various interests and hobbies that energize me tremendously – singing, painting, styling, reading and writing. When I thoroughly explore my hobbies and interests, anxiety naturally disappears; I feel absolutely calm. 🎕

Other ways to overcome dating anxiety

Self assurance

Some people become anxious when they start new relationships because they’re wondering whether their partners actually like them or not. If you also feel that way, please always remind yourself that if you’ve found the right person for you to grow with in life, you must trust that your partner really enjoys your company and genuinely appreciates your contribution to this romantic relationship because your partner has already chosen you and decided to be with you! ❤️

Remember we’re all in the same boat.

If you’re still dating and looking for true love, please remind yourself that people whom you may go on a date with are also trying to create a good first impression. Thus, as a matter of fact, you’re both on the same boat. That person might be just as nervous as you are! Please be supportive! 🥰

Be honest with yourself about your feelings

Always be honest about your feelings and emotions. Authenticity is very powerful because when you’re honest with yourself, it’s easier for you to identify relevant solutions. And when you’re honest with your partner, your partner can think of ways to help you deal with anxiety as well. You need to give your partner a chance to help you! 💕

Set healthy boundaries

Another key solution is to set crystal-clear boundaries in dating and in love. That means when you’re in a dating situation, you have to communicate your standards to your partner early, e.g., you don’t chat with anyone after 11 pm because sleep is a priority in your life; you have a date night at least once a week to strengthen the bond. If you’re in a relationship with someone already, you still need boundaries in this relationship, e.g., how you’re going to manage your personal finances, whether you’re going to spend Christmas with your family or your partner’s family, and so on. Communication in a relationship has to be reasonable, respectful, clean and clear! 💖

Active listening

When talking about healthy boundaries, active listening, is another important skill in dating and relationships. Active listening means you acknowledge what you’ve understood and figure out the connotation of your partner’s words. Please have a look at the example below.

YOUR PARTNER: “When your friends come to our house on Friday night and stay here until 3 am, I can’t get enough rest.”

YOU: “I understand that you can’t get enough sleep because of the noise on Friday night. Would you like me to take my friends elsewhere in the future?”

In other words, you acknowledge that you’ve heard exactly what your partner says, and then you offer a solution that can address your partner’s concern immediately. 👩‍❤️‍👨

Prioritize self-esteem and a positive self-image

As I see it, prioritizing self-esteem is paramount in a romantic relationship because you can’t lose yourself when you’re in love. Lots of people only think about their partners’ needs and their relationships; they ignore their own needs. That’s why in the long term, resentment starts to grow under the radar.

Consequently, the divorce rate is quite high in our society. As a result, you need to prioritize your self-esteem – you’re the most important person to yourself in the universe. You deserve the best conditions that you can create for yourself. You are supposed to be treated very well by yourself and your partner. Your value is intrinsic; your value is not determined by how productive you are or how much you do for your household. 🏡

Finally, I’ve noticed that many individuals lack body confidence these days because they’ve seen too many supermodels’ photos on Instagram. In order to develop a positive self-image, you should totally recognize and challenge any negative self-talk such as “I’m not good enough” and “I’m overweight.” Instead, please always engage in self-affirmation like “I’m a high-value person” and “I’m a confident individual.” Be aware of the stories that you keep telling yourself because those stories can shape your reality!

Online dating – choosing the right partner:

If you’ve decided to try online dating, please pay attention to both green flags and red flags.

Green flags refer to positive signs which indicate that you’re dating a high-quality candidate, e.g., this person respects your time; this person offers their help proactively; this person is willing to communicate with you regularly and honestly.

Red flags are negative signs which imply that you’re dating the wrong person, e.g., this person violates your standards ruthlessly; this person doesn’t respect you at all; this person is dishonest, childish and selfish.

It’s easy to ignore red flags when you’re attracted to someone just because that person looks attractive in their photos. However, physical attraction can only go so far. In the long run, you need shared values and interests so as to build an authentic and sustainable relationship that will last for a lifetime. Seeking compatibility is of vital importance. 🏠

Frequently Asked Questions about Dating Anxiety

Why does dating give me so much anxiety?

Answer: Dating gives you anxiety because a decision like that might change your life forever. You’re worried about being married to the wrong person that will ruin your life. You’re concerned because you don’t know how much this person likes you. You might even have fear of rejection. There are numerous reasons why dating can give people a lot of anxiety. But the good news is anxiety and excitement are generated by the same area in the brain, which means if you can be anxious, you can also be excited!

This is all about how to channel your anxiety into excitement and how to turn your worries into happiness. If dating makes you anxious, preparing for a date should make you excited – Do you like grooming and dressing up? Do you enjoy preparing topics to talk about on the first date? Do you look forward to building a beautiful love life with someone you admire? Focus on the positive outcome that is waiting for you, and you’ll feel calmer and more relaxed. A pro tip: before you go out for a date with someone, you can listen to a love song, watch a romantic movie, read a romantic story or write a romantic poem. All of these activities will certainly help you get into the right headspace which can surely facilitate the date as well as your love life. 🎶

Is it normal to be anxious about dating?

Answer: Yes, that’s totally normal. In fact, most people have some level of anxiety when it comes to dating and relationships because almost everyone has had at least one bad breakup in life. In a way, we can’t completely break up with someone because the change that has been made by that person might stay here forever, e.g., we have learned lessons from the previous relationship. That is to say, the lessons from the past become the soil that is nurturing our future. Hence, we should probably be grateful for what has already happened because that’s the best way to grow out of it! You have become a mature and wise individual in spite of your past, because of your past! Give yourself the acknowledgement that you deserve; you should be proud of your strength! 🍫

How do you respond to dating rejection?

Answer: In reality, rejection oftentimes comes from wanting different things from a dating scenario, i.e., you want a serious, long-term relationship, whereas that person doesn’t. As a consequence, the interaction can’t go very well. But realistically, that’s not really a rejection based on your value – you are still a high-value person. That’s just a rejection which is caused by a different blueprint, so it’s nobody’s fault. Please don’t take it personally. 🍩

How can I stop taking dating rejection personally?

Answer: Finding a person that fits with you and vice versa is difficult. Let’s consider a quick example – you go to a job interview and find out that the position isn’t right for you. You attend a job interview and the employer finds out that you aren’t the right candidate for the position. Those are completely normal. In many ways, a single person is just like an unemployed person looking for a job, and there is nothing wrong with that. So, if you don’t think someone is the right person for you or that person doesn’t think you’re the right candidate for them, that’s absolutely fine. Just move on and look elsewhere!

Another example

Another analogy that will surely help you understand what’s happening even better: You go to a shop to look for a shirt, but you can’t find the right shirt in this shop, so you go to another shop to look for the right shirt, yet you still can’t find it. Then you go to another shop in order to find the right shirt, and this time you find it! Obviously, when you visit the first shop and the second shop, you wouldn’t say the right shirt doesn’t exist simply because those two shops don’t have what you’re looking for, right?

Similarly, when you’re looking for real love, it’s perfectly normal to be disappointed by some people because they aren’t the right candidate for you or vice versa. Maybe they can’t meet your needs, or perhaps they can’t meet your standards, but you keep looking for the right person by meeting more people until you find the right candidate that can meet your needs as well as your standards.

Remember: having standards can make you feel significantly more confident and can also make others respect you so much more; thus, you should have some standards while looking for love!

How to handle anxiety while dating someone new?

Answer: When you’re dating someone new, you might feel anxious at the beginning of this relationship because you don’t want to make a mistake. But everyone makes mistakes because nobody is perfect. Please accept the fact that you’ll definitely make mistakes, and that’s okay! Sometimes you feel worried because you’re not sure how much that person likes you. Nonetheless, please note that you also need to know whether this person is the right person for you or not – can this person meet your standards and your needs? Does this person respect your boundaries in love? Do you respect the way this person spends their spare time? Do you have shared values in life? Can you build a shared blueprint together in the future?

You don’t know anything about this person yet, so there is nothing to worry about – this person has to prove themselves to you first. Another highly effective way to lower your anxiety is to dress well and work on your grooming before each date. When you look great, you also feel great because your external confidence dramatically boosts your inner confidence. Try this technique and let me know how much better you feel on the date!

Could you tell me how to meet women online?

Answer: Yes. In this day and age, online dating is extremely mainstream. This could be because it’s the most convenient way to find love, especially during the pandemic when many people avoid social events. So, if you’re keen to meet a high-value woman, consider joining a reputable dating site like SimplyDating.com where genuine ladies from Ukraine are looking for real relationships. You could be our next success story!

Now you may wonder why date internationally. Well, it is clear that the divorce rate in western countries is high because western women generally don’t have traditional values anymore. In contrast, Eastern European women still have very traditional values – their family values mean they are looking for commitemen. We know you’ll be able to stay in love if you’re married to an Eastern European lady.

A parting note…

It’s okay if you are someone that gains fulfilment from romantic relationships. But it’s also okay if you don’t really want a relationship. Remind yourself that not everyone should be in a romantic relationship, and you may find lots of joy in other types of relationships in your life.

This allows you can focus on your own goals and other areas of your life – life is full of wonderful things to explore and enjoy; romance is merely a small part of life. Although some people will say, “You shouldn’t miss out on romantic love”, at the end of the day you decide what makes you truly happy and satisfied, as this world is filled with a variety of opportunities and exciting things for you to experience. Go explore!

Whenever you feel anxious while on your dating journey, reassure yourself that there is someone for everyone. You should just give love a chance and believe in yourself. It’s time to sign up with Simply Dating if you’re looking for authentic love today. Who knows – true love may just be a click away.