Making an Intercultural Marriage Work

We live in a world that is made beautiful by its vast diversity. This is why successful intercultural marriages are commonplace and encouraged today. 🙂

Intercultural marriages bring many unique experiences and new insights into the couple’s lives. With that said, however, our team of experts also believes some knowledge and skills must be passed on to make an intercultural marriage work seamlessly; much like any other relationship, intercultural marriages also involve challenges and opportunities.

If you are planning an intercultural wedding, read on for important information on your approach to an intercultural marriage. Approach the concept with an open mind and respect for both cultures so that your marriage lasts a lifetime!

Understanding cultural differences

Research shows that cultural differences may result in the following challenges:

Overcoming the Language Barrier

Assuming your partner and you come from two different countries, you may have to overcome a language barrier. For instance, if your first language is English while your partner’s first language is Ukrainian, you might need to learn each other’s languages to communicate more effectively.

While on this subject, we just wanted to let you know that the women on our website are learning English every day to communicate with their prospective partners online! To supplement this, SimplyDating.com offers an automatic translation feature that helps you interact with Ukrainian women better on the Internet!

Different Cultural Beliefs & Practices

In addition to the potential language barrier, since you and your lady are from different cultures, you probably have different cultural beliefs and practices. If your religion is different from your lady’s religion, give one another space and always respect each other’s beliefs. Give each other some space when it comes to faith and its relevant practices.

Values & Expectations

Third, clashes of values and expectations are common in intercultural marriages. You could, for instance, believe that individuality is extremely important, whereas your lady believes that traditional family values assume priority. This is okay as long as you know how to fully understand each other and make your value systems compatible.

Let’s say you think personal freedom is paramount, so you want to have children in 10 years. Your partner thinks starting a family is of vital importance, so she is keen to have children within 5 years. Can you find a happy compromise and start a family within 7 or 8 years?

Family & Societal Pressure

Single individuals often face discrimination from mainstream culture in various ways, although this topic is rarely discussed in public. It’s worth noting that in Eastern Europe, such as Ukraine, family and societal pressure may manifest differently due to traditional values and the importance of family. These values have their benefits, such as building respect for parents, taking care of children, maintaining good relations with spouses and relatives, and more. Understanding your Ukrainian partner’s cultural background can help you appreciate their mindset and attitude even more. Similar to many countries, societal pressure to get married and have children exists in Ukraine as well, especially after a certain age, as it aligns with mainstream expectations.

Communication Breakdowns

In an intercultural marriage, communication breakdowns may occur, especially when language barriers and cultural differences pose challenges. Always appreciate each other’s beautiful hearts, as it can make everything a bit easier in a marriage. When faced with communication breakdowns, the first step is to remain calm and pause. Remember that the love in your marriage is real and that you can overcome these challenges with genuine love and support for each other. Honest conversations are key to addressing how you feel and finding solutions to minimize communication breakdowns in the future.

It’s important to acknowledge that cultural norms and expectations can impact the roles and responsibilities within a marriage, as different cultures shape individuals differently. In the case of your Ukrainian partner coming from an Eastern European culture with more traditional norms, providing gradual guidance can help her understand the cultural norms and expectations in a western country. Equally important is understanding the reasons behind her beliefs, so that you can respect the differences while appreciating the similarities between your cultures.

An Example

Brandon, an American man, is married to Anastasia, his Ukrainian wife. Coming from a traditional Eastern European culture, Anastasia may not be aware of the dating culture in Western countries, where individuals are allowed to date multiple people without commitment before entering a serious relationship. However, Brandon, being well-versed in Ukrainian culture, refrains from mentioning his ex-girlfriends while chatting with Anastasia. He avoids bringing up their names, ensuring their marriage is more enjoyable with fewer concerns. By not discussing past relationships, they are able to focus on building a compelling future together without dwelling on the past.

Truthfully, not everyone is aware of the cultural differences that I’ve talked about in this article, so if you are happy to learn more, you may want to do some research so that you can have a better understanding of different cultural practices. You may speak to your Ukrainian lady’s family members to understand their cultural background, read relevant books on this topic, access online resources, attend cultural events or consult with an expert in this field.

Highlighting the Importance of Communication

A study shows that when a couple is navigating cultural differences, they have to understand the importance of communication and compromise in a partnership. I know “communication” sounds like a cliché which is a bit boring, but it actually matters because effective communication is the best way to handle potential conflicts or misunderstandings with grace and tact.

Let me give you a helpful tip that will transform the way you communicate with your partner forever: Whenever she does something that makes you upset, you use this sentence pattern, “When you do XYZ, I feel ABC because … So, I would really appreciate it if you could…” (In this template, you are not blaming her. Instead, you simply point out a certain behavior that upsets you and you honestly express your true feelings. As a result, your partner will surely appreciate your honesty and accept your suggestion more easily.) I’m sure your partner’s intention is good, and everyone just needs to be more understanding in an intercultural marriage.

Finding Common Ground

The ideal way to strengthen the emotional connection in a marriage is to find common ground. That means you and your lady should focus on the interests that you share. If both of you love reading, why not start a book club just for two people? Every night you read a chapter of a book together and talk about what you’ve learned from the chapter. I believe this activity will help you grow together, thereby making the connection in your intercultural marriage stronger.

Also, if you would like to have a sustainable intercultural marriage, you apparently need to avoid someone who has very dramatic or imposing cultural beliefs. In other words, the right candidate has to be more open-minded so as to stay married to you. Choosing the right person makes a relationship so much easier.

Setting Boundaries and Compromise: Balancing Standards and Negotiation

Moreover, in a long-term relationship, you have to be willing to compromise to some extent, as long as your standards are not violated and your boundaries are not crossed. That means you need to know your boundaries and have clear standards, and then you will see what is negotiable. I would argue that if your standards have 20 items on the list, the list is already too long. Ideally, your standards for a relationship should be concise, with no more than 5 items on the list. Personally, I would recommend choosing 2 or 3 key standards, as the rest can be negotiable. It’s important to remember that seeking a relationship shouldn’t be like creating a wish list for online shopping. Instead, focus on the essential criteria for a meaningful partnership rather than an exhaustive list of demands.

Frankly, even though you have chosen the right person, marriage will have inevitable conflicts. Hence, you have to handle conflicts respectfully. Don’t blame each other; just focus on why a conflict has happened and how to solve the problem together. Remember: You and your partner are a team, so you must prioritize teamwork in this marriage.

Communicating across cultures

Cross-cultural communication is so key in an intercultural marriage. When you incorporate your partner’s traditions and cultures into your daily life, it shows that you are making an extra effort to make your marriage work. This gesture can strengthen the bond between you and your partner. Thus, your partner will appreciate you even more, which is good for this relationship.

If your partner has certain requests, you may need to accommodate those requests, provided you are able to do that. Of course, your partner will reciprocate due to Law of Reciprocity, i.e., in love you will only get what you give. Yes, when you have a giver’s mindset, you will actually receive more. But please always give without expecting anything; otherwise, that’s not a real giver’s mindset. By contrast, if you are a taker, your partner probably won’t let you take from her forever. Consequently, a marriage like that won’t work.

Apart from that, I’d like to introduce different communication styles to you, so you’ll know how to navigate them and have a successful intercultural marriage.

Direct Communication VS Indirect Communication:

Direct communication is more common in Western countries where things are much more straightforward. Because efficiency is highly valued in western culture, the majority of people prefer direct communication. Oftentimes, direct communication includes less hedging language such as “it seems that…”

Indirect communication is more common in Eastern cultures where most people’s style is less straightforward. Many Eastern cultures are more introverted, so people tend to use more hedging language while communicating with each other, which is a good thing because that means people in these cultures don’t want to hurt others’ feelings (they are possibly more polite)!

If your preference is direct communication but your lady’s preference is indirect communication, please listen to what she is actually saying more carefully, and then you will understand her much better! 😉 What’s more, you should totally encourage your lady to understand your direct communication style with an open mind as well.

On being open-minded

Speaking of being open-minded, in my opinion, a truly open-minded person not only can accept a different belief system but also can operate in a different belief system. That’s a sign of growth! 😊

Additionally, when you are able to listen to your partner actively and empathetically, you can minimize conflicts in your intercultural marriage. Active listening skills are paramount because these skills will make you a confident communicator.

Some examples of active listening:

1. When your partner expresses her concern, you say, “I understand that XYZ has made you concerned because of ABC, correct?” (You are checking whether your understanding is correct or not by paraphrasing what you’ve heard.)

2. When your partner doesn’t express her opinion directly but you want to know her opinion, you say, “Because you are the love of my life and your opinion is important to me, could you please clearly tell me your true viewpoint?” (You politely ask for her opinion – your message is clear; your tone is positive.)

Obviously, being able to ask questions and seek clarification is a valuable skill in an intercultural marriage that will last forever. This also helps you to ask for what you want cleanly and clearly in a relationship. In truth, a healthy relationship is like a dance: you get your needs met and you compromise to some degree. The key is to strike a balance so that your marriage won’t become a one-way street. Always find a win-win solution whenever there is an issue. And in terms of decision-making, please make a decision that is best for the marriage, although maybe it’s not best for your personal interest.

In fact, when a decision is best for your marriage, it’s also best for you in the long term because your marriage is the most important part of your life – your long-term relationship directly determines your happiness.

Frequently Asked Questions about intercultural marriages:

What are intercultural marriage issues?

Answer: The most common intercultural marriage issues include cultural differences, communication breakdown, language barriers, clash of values, family pressure and societal expectations.

Why is intercultural marriage important?

Answer: Intercultural marriage is important because statistics show that intercultural marriages have a significantly lower divorce rate than conventional marriages. Further examination reveals that because women from Eastern Europe have traditional values, they tend to stay married forever and wouldn’t consider getting divorced easily.

Can intercultural marriages work?

Answer: Yes, absolutely. A major study shows that intercultural marriages are actually more sustainable than conventional marriages in western countries. I’ve explained why this is happening in my answer above.

How important is it to understand and respect each other’s cultural backgrounds in an intercultural marriage?

Answer: That’s really important. Without understanding and respect, a marriage won’t last.

How can communication be improved in an intercultural marriage where language barriers exist?

Answer: That’s a great question. First and foremost, you need to set crystal-clear boundaries and communicate your standards to your partner with the help of Google Translate. Your partner has to know your non-negotiables in the first place. Then you can look at what’s negotiable and that’s what you are able to compromise. In the second place, you may have to learn each other’s language proactively. If your lady is willing to learn English because she lives in an English-speaking country with you right now, you should help her improve her English language skills so that she can live a more comfortable and convenient life in a Western country.

What are some strategies for navigating differences in beliefs and values in an intercultural marriage?

Answer: The first strategy is to be assertive without being aggressive. That means you are supposed to clearly tell your partner what your expectations are based on your beliefs and values. In this way, you won’t be submissive. If you are submissive, sooner or later resentment will grow, so that’s not good for your relationship.

The second strategy is to encourage your partner to communicate with you cleanly and clearly. Whenever your partner expresses a different opinion, please understand that her opinion comes from a different value system. Therefore, that’s not her fault, although you disagree with her. When your partner tells you something that you can’t understand, please do not judge her because if you judge her, she won’t tell you her honest opinions anymore in the future due to fear of being judged.

Remember: you can’t judge her or laugh at her in that case! You simply remain open-minded and discuss the differences with her honestly. Then you invite her to help you find a solution together.

How can families on both sides be involved in an intercultural marriage in a positive way?

Answer: As I see it, families on both sides should only be involved to some degree (they shouldn’t be too involved because this is not their marriage). In order to make this very clear, it is you and your partner’s responsibility to tell families on both sides that you only would like them to be involved in certain ways from the beginning. Hence, you won’t be in reactive mode whenever families on both sides are involved later on. That is to say, you have to establish your boundaries and expectations early. 

How can couples in intercultural marriages prioritize and celebrate their unique cultural traditions while also creating new traditions together?

Answer: This is a very good question. You like each other because you are attracted to the differences first. Differences make you more enlightened because they expand your outlook effortlessly. As a result, you should totally prioritize and celebrate your unique cultural traditions as well as her unique cultural traditions – variety is the spice of life. Meanwhile, creating new traditions together could be the ultimate fusion that will benefit both of you. Take cooking as an example. If you prefer the standard Western diet whereas your wife likes Eastern European diet, why not create the perfect fusion that will make cooking a shared activity that you both enjoy?

In conclusion, the importance of understanding cultural differences can’t be ignored. What’s more, you need effective communication so as to balance different traditions and expectations. And cultural awareness and cultural understanding will help you handle challenges in your marriage more effectively. Implement what you’ve learned in this article, and I’m sure you and your partner will lead a wholesome life together in future. Show respect for each other’s culture, appreciate cultural diversity, celebrate cultural traditions and create new traditions together, and you will be happily married for the rest of your life.

I know it takes effort, patience and understanding to make mixed marriages work, but don’t forget that love can conquer cultural differences! If you are looking for true love right now, register on Simply Dating today and continue to read more of our insightful dating advice!