Stepping Out of Your Dating Comfort Zone

“Comfort zone” tends to have a negative connotation in our culture because, usually, it refers to a space in which people find themselves most at ease. This space is filled with familiar and predictable things that keep people very comfortable with who they are. However, it doesn’t let people grow and become better individuals. Yes, that’s one way to look at “comfort zones”. In this article, I will discuss how to step out of your comfort zone so that you can benefit from this growth mindset. Furthermore, I will introduce a new and positive way to explain comfort zones as well, so you will have a comprehensive understanding of this concept and become a better version of yourself.

Why should you get out of your comfort zone?

In 2015, I was still stuck in the old habit of double-checking everything due to anxiety. At that time, my elderly dad started to use the mouthwash that I gave him. I gave him instructions on how to use mouthwash correctly. A few months later, I was still worried if he would swallow mouthwash or not, so I had to ask him that again and again. He was probably wondering why I was so paranoid. Then I realized that a major part of my comfort zone in life was constant reassurance. I had to repeatedly check whether the door was locked and my keys were in my bag before going to bed at night as well.

To stop letting checking OCD run my life, I decided to get out of my comfort zone by practising not checking. I know what I did, so I don’t need to check everything. With this perspective, I started to spend less time worrying & have more and more time and energy to do other things in my life. I read more books, write more blog posts and spend more quality time with family & friends. More importantly, I feel less worried in general. I’ve become a much calmer person.

Ask yourself: is your comfort zone really that important?

Now you’ve understood the life-changing magic of stepping out of your comfort zone. I focused on getting rid of old & unhelpful habits, taking new action and finding a different reality. When it comes to dating, most people have their comfort zones. They ask the same questions on the first date with someone new; they have the same behaviour while interacting with others; they attract the same people; and they wonder why they keep getting the same results.

Everyone has a ‘type’ that they look for in a romantic partner. For example, Samuel has a list of expectations that he wants in the type of woman that he would like to date. The woman has to come from a certain age group, look a certain way, etc. If a woman is too tall, too short, too young, or too old. Otherwise, Samuel wouldn’t consider going out with her at all. But that also means because of Samuel’s comfort zone, he possibly has missed out on great opportunities that he is not even aware of. I understand that getting out of a comfort zone isn’t easy because it’s more about changing your mindset and behaviour. It’s natural for people to have certain expectations for who they would like to date.

Comfort zones in dating

Comfort zones in dating are based on three elements: chemistry, attraction and past experiences. For instance, Ben feels chemistry when he meets women who have long hair probably because long hair is typically associated with femininity. He is attracted to foreign women as he is turned on by different accents. Ben can’t explain why that’s happening as attraction is not a choice. He is used to traditional dinner dates as that’s just what he would do according to his past experiences.

In truth, chemistry, attraction, and past experiences might impose limitations on finding a new partner, for the comfort zone eliminates options based on what Ben doesn’t want in a woman. For example, if a woman has short hair, Ben wouldn’t consider dating her. But if Ben doesn’t spend some time with her because of a superficial reason, how does he know that she isn’t his soulmate?

Some assumptions we make

Another typical comfort zone that most daters have is the idea of a perfect first date. Nevertheless, going out with someone new with this unrealistic mindset isn’t helpful because perfection is a joke – it doesn’t exist. Admittedly, first impressions are important. But some people tend to believe that a flawless experience on the very first date directly means everything will be fine in the long term. This is simply not true.

I’d like you to have a new approach. Relax before you go out for the first date with someone new. On the first date, allow yourself to be who you really are instead of trying to be the perfect version of yourself. Meanwhile, don’t expect the person you are dating to be perfect either. At the end of the day, she is only human. She is imperfect. Full stop.

Positivity leads to more positivity

Let’s look at dating in this way: When you have high standards and no expectations, you are more open-minded. You need to stick to your boundaries as well as your standards. That way, no one can take advantage of you, and you wouldn’t get walked all over like a doormat. Because you have no expectations, you appreciate every green flag that you see on the first date. That’s why you are more likely to discover something positive about this person. This way, positivity leads to more positivity. This relationship becomes a virtuous circle.

Key benefits of dating outside your comfort zone

– Your dating options become broader as you won’t be filtering all options stringently like before. In this way, you have more options, so you’ll develop an abundance mindset rather than a scarcity mindset.

– Stepping out of your comfort zone makes you more open-minded and introduces you to new kinds of people. You may not be able to meet these people without a growth mindset, which leads to new experiences, lifestyles and cultures.

– Getting out of a relationship’s comfort zone can improve your inner strength and core confidence. You’ll learn the importance of emotional maturity.

– Dating outside your comfort zone with your partner helps you break unhealthy relationship patterns which were formed from previous relationships. New experiences in life will unlock the fun-loving side of you.

Now, I’m sure you’ve fully understood the importance of leaving your comfort zone. Next, we will take a look at how to leave your comfort zone forever.

How to step out of your comfort zone

First and most importantly, you have to forget the idea of “a type”. More exactly, a type is based on a mixture of past experiences as well as personal preferences. This indirectly results in an unfair projection of your past onto someone completely unrelated to the problem. To forget the idea of having a type, you can see a movie that you usually wouldn’t see or read a book that you normally wouldn’t read. And if often watch local news on TV, I would encourage you to watch a foreign TV show instead. This is a way to give you new and refreshing ideas when it comes to the ideal romantic partner.

If you still strongly believe that there is a type, please have a closer look at what contributes to your type. It’s necessary to identify the preferences which are not working anymore because these preferences probably need to be removed from your mind.

First, don’t compromise your non-negotiables

Updating your preferences doesn’t necessarily mean compromising your non-negotiables. Always remember your non-negotiables, because these are your standards that can’t be violated. As I see it, eliminating superficial aspects is paramount. Last year, I surveyed what men are looking for in a romantic partner. Every participant listed 10 items as their answer according to the instructions. Surprisingly, probably 9 out of 10 items on almost every man’s list were about women’s looks. The dating climate will surely change if men can get rid of some of these superficial aspects.

Second, change your mindset

You can approach things with a different mindset. For example, Alex believes in finding love only traditionally. Maybe some love-at-first-sight encounter or being asked out by someone/meeting someone through his social circle. In reality, Alex still hasn’t found The One yet, despite the time and effort.

From my view, the solution is to try online dating. For instance, Simply Dating is an online Ukraine dating website where men can meet genuine ladies from Ukraine. This approach has ultimately changed the dating landscape in today’s day and age. This is partly because people have less pressure while dating online and partly because internet dating can help people meet candidates from other cultures. By contrast, the traditional way to meet someone is quite limiting.

Third, define your experiences

Let’s redefine the “first date” idea right now. Traditionally, people prefer having a dinner date as the first date. My friend Curtis often goes to the same restaurant for the first date with someone new. Because he still hasn’t found his person yet, my advice for him is to try a new venue for the first date. Better still, instead of having a dinner date as the first date, he should take the lady to a coffeehouse, as this is much more flexible. Usually, a coffee date is about 30-45 minutes maximum, so if he knows this isn’t the right match, he can end the date faster. But if it’s a dinner date, he probably has to sit in the restaurant with her for 2 hours, no matter if that’s the right match or not!

The process of looking for love isn’t dictated by a wish list. By that, I mean you’d better pick 2 standards as your non-negotiables. It’s better to not have a long checklist of standards. Take Jackson as an example. Jackson’s 2 standards are: 1) this woman has to be kind; 2) this woman has to be well-educated. So, other aspects, such as her height and her weight, are negotiable. As a result, Jackson can find a compatible romantic partner more quickly.

Last but not least, don’t forget that Simply Dating is here to help. As a team, we offer you the safest and most reliable internet dating platform where you can meet high-quality single women from Ukraine. You don’t have to leave your love life to chance, and you certainly don’t have to remain stuck in your comfort zone!

Frequently Asked Questions

How can I step out of my comfort zone?

If you are asking this question, you are already better than most people, because most people are not even aware of their comfort zone. I mean, awareness is very, very powerful. With this knowledge, you should feel more confident in the first place. Then you can do something different at least once a week (going to a new café, visiting an exotic gallery, and so forth.) As physiology leads psychology, your behaviour can condition your mindset. What’s more, you can write down your comfort zone on a piece of paper. You may even ask a close friend to help you if you can’t see your comfort zone. By clearly describing your comfort zone, you will be able to deliberately do things that are outside your comfort zone!

What are some signs that I need to step out?

Here are some typical signs: A) You keep getting the same results in dating and relationships. B) You keep attracting the same type of people who disappoint you. C) Your love life is best characterised by stagnation.

How do I know what my zone is?

Find a quiet place and have an honest conversation with yourself (ask yourself, “Which factors have been the reasons for my current results?”)
Alternatively, you may hire a dating coach who can help you with this.

Is it possible for me to find true love while dating outside my comfort zone?

If you’ve spent a lot of time and energy looking for love and you feel exhausted because you haven’t found the result you desire yet, that means the success you deserve is definitely outside of your comfort zone. If it’s inside your comfort zone, you must have found it by now!

Why should I step out of it?

If you have a growth mindset rather than a fixed mindset (or if you think you are an ambitious person), you must step out of your comfort zone (yes, you read that right). I said you ‘must’, not ‘should’. Remaining in your comfort zone leads to the same result that you probably can’t even stand!

A positive way to explain ‘comfort zone’

After working in the dating and relationship advice industry for many years, I’ve noticed that a large number of people feel completely lost after ending a relationship. Some people are depressed after a divorce. This kind of result is caused by not keeping their comfort zone with them.

An example of a comfort zone gone wrong

Ron was married for 15 years and now he is divorced. He currently suffers from depression and anxiety because of the divorce. After having a chat with me for about an hour, I discovered that the real reason he has depression and anxiety now is because a major part of his comfort zone was occupied by his marriage and his ex-wife.

To be more specific, when he was married, he derived 80% of his confidence from his marriage. He organised his life around his ex-wife at that time. Because his ex-wife likes shopping, he used to go shopping with her every Saturday, and they would have hot chocolate in a café near the best shopping mall in town. His ex-wife loved Celine Dion’s songs, so they would listen to Celine Dion’s CDs at home every night. Because his ex-wife enjoys travel, they visited so many beautiful places. His life was all about her interests and hobbies. He had already lost himself before the divorce. Since that pattern was reinforced over 15 years, that pattern became his comfort zone. Now that he is divorced, he doesn’t even have a comfort zone right now.

Look at ‘comfort zone’ from a different perspective

No matter whether you are single, married or divorced, your comfort zone can’t be built around someone else. Ideally, your comfort zone should be with you at all times. Your comfort zone is with you wherever you go. That means, apart from a romantic relationship, you also need to pay attention to your physical and mental health, your career, your interests and hobbies, your hopes and dreams, as well as your family & friends. All of these are just as important as your relationship with a romantic partner.

In other words, your partner can’t be your entire world. When you operate like this, your partner will be attracted to you even more because you are not needy; you are independent and strong. In contrast, if your partner is in your comfort zone, you become boring, predictable, and less attractive. Another way to understand this concept is to imagine a table with multiple legs. If this table only has 1 leg, it will fall apart when that leg is removed or broken. But if this table has 10 legs, I’m pretty sure the table will be okay even if one leg is broken or removed. I know this sounds like a cliché, but you really can’t put all your eggs in one basket!

Long-term relationship and comfort zone

If you are already in a relationship with someone, please note that dating outside your comfort zone with your partner is equally important. Let me give you some examples:

– Alan and Carol are in a long-term relationship that has become a bit stale. My advice for them is to have a date night every week by doing something that they have never done before, e.g., crashing a party, hosting a cocktail party at home, and so on.

– Bill and Caroline have been married for almost a decade, and they would like to maintain a sparky marriage, so they asked for my advice. I introduced a new idea to them. They shouldn’t stop dating each other; they should dress up on the weekend and go out for dates. The best date they’ve recently had is
arriving at the same bar individually and having a role-play. They acted as if they were meeting each other for the first time!

If you incorporate these ideas into your love life, you will have an exciting, sustainable, and healthy relationship that is characterised by a positive culture.

Conclusion

Granted, it can be quite hard to step out of your comfort zone, but the potential is huge once you dare to do it. With the ideas and recommendations in this blog article, I’m sure you can figure out a way to date outside your comfort zone now. And if you are still wondering when you will find true love, please join Simply Dating today and start your internet dating journey right now.

“Modern men should totally be aware of their own patterns that limit
opportunities in life. In his book Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself: How to Lose
Your Mind and Create a New One, Dr Joe Dispenza points out that ‘just be yourself’
is the worst advice because if you go to the gym and ask the personal trainer what to
do in order to lose weight and become fitter, the personal trainer can’t say ‘just be
yourself’. The personal trainer must offer you a solid and practical plan that you can
implement. Likewise, people who would like to get to the next level of their lives
would be well-advised to do something that they normally wouldn’t do. Isn’t that the
best way to challenge yourself?”