How to feel empowered in international dating

We all know that the previous three years have been difficult due to COVID-19. Indeed, life has given everyone a hard time. For some people, it’s absolutely hard. Most people are still in recovery mode nowadays. Perhaps you have lost your job because of the pandemic. Maybe you had a terrible breakup. Or you’ve lost somebody you deeply loved. It’s been a mess which has left most people dizzy or trying to find their footing once again. Even international dating seems to have taken a hit. A large number of individuals feel powerless and stuck these days. Some of my friends are single for the very first time in their adult life.

The pure love they believed they had disappeared when somebody said, “I’m unhappy in this, so I’m leaving.” A lot of people feel like nothing will go back to the way it used to be. They feel like it will surely be too much effort and work to go back to their old selves. Or perhaps their old self was the issue/reason why they are stuck now. Yet they are too scared to change as they do not even know how to figure out the next step. Fortunately, some of them have discovered the power of international dating.

Instead of being broken, you’re actually breaking free.

I understand that when you feel like you have totally been lost, defeated or heartbroken, it could even feel like you are split in one thousand pieces. Nonetheless, you certainly have a choice as well. This is, a choice to make now the moment you get closer to the broken parts of yourself and calmly ask yourself, “Right now what should I let go of? What are the unhelpful beliefs, ideas and behaviors which have kept me scared and small for such a long time?”

For instance, for a very long time I had anxiety and couldn’t stop checking whether the door was locked when I left the house in the morning & couldn’t stop checking if the gas stove is turned off before I went to bed at night. During the pandemic, the anxiety became even worse. So I consulted with a counsellor who asked me to change my thoughts through changing my behavior. I practice not checking; I do everything mindfully, so I know I’ve done it already.

In the external world, the more I do, the better results I get. This is true in my career and I’m happy with my work ethic. In contrast, in the internal world, the opposite is true – the more I do, the worse I feel. The more I check whether an email is typed correctly, the more concern I have; the more I re-read a text message to see if I’ve understood it correctly, the more stress I feel; the more I go through conversations that I’ve had with other people, the more worry I get – this is mental checking.

Therefore, I decided to do less in the internal world. That’s how I changed my behavior and belief.

Why fear is a huge motivator:

A friend of mine realized that it’s time for him to get out of a rut and join an international dating website. Nevertheless, he literally got a feeling in his stomach which makes him almost want to scream, “I’m not ready yet!”

That’s a common pattern. “I’m not ready yet” is the voice of comfort that keeps you small if you listen to it for long. Oftentimes, comfort makes you stay hidden in the background. You remain silent. You don’t do anything that can surprise you and people around you.

It turns out that you can take these feelings of doubt and fear & turn them into real excitement. This is for every way that you will be able to grow, the new experiences that you can have, the brand-new feelings that you will experience and the passion that you want to further explore.

For some time, I didn’t have a real job during the pandemic. The organization was shut down due to COVID-19. At the very beginning of the unemployment, I thought at last I could have some free time to relax. But interestingly, during that period of time, every day was a challenging day – each time I sat down at my desk and looked at my computer screen while listening to Norah Jones’s music, I was unable to focus because I could only feel the anxiety in my body. After seeing a career consultant and a life coach, I have found a real job and I’m currently exploring my hobbies, too: reading, jewelry, …

Don’t over-complicate life.

Some people tend to believe that they must do everything right now in order to get back on their feet and change their life. Then they freeze as they don’t know where to start or how to start.

Truthfully, if you would like to find true love on an international dating site, change your career, or feel happier in life in general, the only thing you must do is to take the next step which should be the easiest step that you can take right now.

I call this “the thinnest slice” theory: What’s the thinnest slice right in front of me? That’s the next easiest step.

At the beginning all that matters is that you have momentum because what will truly get you on a new upward spiral is simply taking the easiest action that you can, e.g., joining a gym, joining an international dating website, buying a new outfit, reading a good book, listening to a podcast, etc.

Quote: “When you join an international dating site, you start a new journey.”

Learn more about how you can enrich your dating life with some of our advice! You can also take a look at our blogs on how to date internationally and find your one true love. Register now on Simply Dating to start your journey!