Preventing Online Dating Burnout

Have you ever felt emotionally exhausted while looking for a partner via internet dating? If you feel jaded, frustrated and disappointed in this process, chances are you are experiencing online dating burnout which is something a lot of people go through when they’ve been dating online for a long period of time. However, there are some highly effective ways to manage or avoid this issue. Today I’d like to provide some insights into how dating fatigue occurs as well as how it can be prevented in time. I hope you find this blog article helpful and valuable. 😊

What is online dating burnout?

On an HBO-produced TV series, a fictional character has impressed the audience because of her femininity and style: “I started dating when I was 14 years old,” says Charlotte York, “Where is he?!”   

What Charlotte experiences is dating fatigue.  In the late 90s, internet dating wasn’t mainstream, so Charlotte’s experience was a bit different from modern online daters’ experiences. But that kind of feeling is understandable: looking for love is so hard.

In the 21^st century, there are various factors that could cause online dating burnout.

First of all, the internet gives people a large number of choices. As a result, having to keep choosing potential partners can become very tiring – if there is a new opportunity, you probably wouldn’t say no, so you just keep going, but the results are not guaranteed. And then you do it again.

Second, when it comes to internet dating, almost every first conversation with a new candidate follows the same pattern. As a consequence, repetitive interactions can become very monotonous. Note that most people’s patience is not unlimited.

Third, when you first start internet dating, you would have the expectation of finding your soulmate quickly. Nonetheless, as time goes by and this doesn’t happen, it might lead to frustration and disappointment.

Next, the constant messaging and viewing new dating profiles can be draining – it’s time-consuming, repetitive and boring. It’s hard for people to remain motivated and excited after a long time. 

What’s more, constantly having superficial conversations that lead to nowhere may result in a feeling of emptiness due to lack of a genuine connection. Indeed, in order to build a genuine emotional connection, you and your partner must prioritize starting a romantic relationship officially in the first place.   

Lastly, unfortunately, some people have negative experiences in dating and relationships, and experiencing dishonesty or behavior that crosses boundaries in love can be emotionally draining and exhausting. It is obvious that constant opening up to people and then meeting disappointment could be harmful for a person’s mental health and emotional wellbeing. Therefore, consequences caused by dating fatigue cannot be ignored. Having said that, which signs are telling us that someone is feeling burnout from internet dating?

Signs that a person is feeling burnout from online dating:

Research shows that self-help definitely works, i.e., if you can recognize burnout in yourself fast, you would certainly be able to manage the situation more tactfully.

The first sign that indicates online dating burnout is you are always emotionally exhausted. That can be feeling tired in general, having insomnia at night, drinking more and more coffee, and so on. Apart from that, you don’t feel that you have more love to give anyone – that usually means your own cup is empty. Remember that you have to fill our own cup first, and then when your cup is overflowing, you have something to share with others – you can have love to give someone else. In contrast, when you are emotionally exhausted, you have absolutely nothing to give. Please note that in love and in life, you will only get what you give. By that I mean you would be well-advised to lead with your positive energy: you invest in someone that you are attracted to and see this person’s response. If this is a good person, she would reciprocate accordingly. If she doesn’t reciprocate, you have the answer already (it’s time to move on). This technique is called “invest and test”.

In the second place, when you find a potential match and you are at the initial stage of a new romantic relationship, you don’t even feel excited at all. That is a huge sign which means you are experiencing dating burnout because the beginning of a new serious relationship should be best characterized by real excitement, true happiness and unstoppable joy. If you don’t feel any of these, chances are you are currently experiencing dating fatigue. 

Additionally, when you are chatting with someone new on the Internet, you are constantly expecting the worst outcome. That means you are clearly jaded and looking for the worst to come. Sadly, that is exactly how self-fulfilling prophecy happens in dating and relationships. And you definitely don’t want that!

Last but not least, you find yourself easily annoyed or irritated by the process or when you are viewing dating profiles/having interactions with other online daters – it’s a major sign that implies online dating burnout.

By the way, apart from recognizing burnout in yourself, you also need to recognize burnout in other people when you are in the internet dating environment because you are interacting with others online.

The No. 1 sign that shows someone is experiencing online dating burnout is when that individual pulls away from dating websites or expresses lack of interest in internet dating. Don’t forget that if someone is on a dating site that is all about looking for serious relationships, this person actually wants to find true love and start a long-term relationship. Hence, if this person shows disinterest in the concept of internet dating, that probably means he/she is experiencing dating fatigue.      

In addition, when that individual constantly complains about internet dating but is unwilling to hear a solution, that person is probably emotionally exhausted.   

Also, if someone is not motivated when it comes to looking for a romantic partner, it’s a sign of dating burnout because lack of motivation indicates lack of morale. Morale is paramount in many areas of life. For example, Samuel used to be very presentable because he looks after himself well, but now he doesn’t wear nice clothes anymore & doesn’t even have a shower each day. That directly shows lack of morale. Samantha used to wear makeup every day, yet now she doesn’t wear makeup at all & her hair is not done either. That also shows very low morale. I know a person’s appearance is only superficial, but that’s a key indicator in terms of morale which is very important to everyone.

Finally, there is a significant change in someone’s behavior and it’s mostly negative – this person seems to be more anxious, stressed or has mood swings very frequently – that means this person is possibly going through dating fatigue. In other words, anxiety/stress can be a cry for help.

Now we know that dating burnout is common. As a result, in the next section of this blog post, we are going to look at some effective methods of getting over dating burnout.

Methods of preventing dating burnout:

Relationship consultants argue that modern daters need to have realistic expectations. More specifically, you would be well-advised to be very clear about what you expect from a long-term relationship and then make it truly realistic. For example, Mat expects love from a relationship – he is pretty clear about that. Then in order to make it more realistic, he shouldn’t expect his partner to give him unconditional love because romantic love is never unconditional. His partner is not his mother. I know some well-known authors write about romantic love as unconditional love. However, I disagree with that because romantic love can’t be unconditional: If you love someone unconditionally & that person does not reciprocate, it’s not even a relationship as a real relationship can’t be a one-way street! Frankly, even parents’ love for their children isn’t really unconditional because many parents expect their children to go to a certain university and become wildly successful (otherwise, these parents feel annoyed or disappointed). Some parents expect their children to take care of them when they are old. That’s why some people say, “If I bring my own children up, I will get some of that back in the future. But if I bring up other people’s children, I will get nothing back in the future.” Although I don’t necessarily agree with that statement, I question whether parents’ love for their children is 100% unconditional. When you realize how rare unconditional love is, you cherish your romantic relationship even more. Isn’t that beautiful? I understand that a lot of novels describe romantic love as unconditional love (that’s very artistic), but when non-fiction books describe romantic love as unconditional love as well, it’s not helpful.

Please understand that no one is perfect and you have to allow mistakes to happen in real life. I can guarantee that both you and your partner will make mistakes in this relationship because life is long and you are only human. So, instead of worrying about what can go wrong in the future, you’d better focus on what can go right in future! Spend more time building an emotional connection right now as opposed to worrying about any future outcomes.

Another way to prevent dating burnout from happening is to limit the amount of time you spend online as well as the frequency of using dating sites. Jon spends at least 2 hours on a dating website every day, so he finds it quite inefficient, draining and time-consuming. My advice for him is to set specific times for using a dating site and stick to those times, e.g., 30 minutes in the morning before he goes to work & 30 minutes at night before he goes to sleep each day. In addition, Jon needs to be more flexible by combining internet dating with offline activities so that excessive reliance on internet dating is prevented properly. Jon doesn’t chat with multiple women at the same time. Instead, he only chats with one person at a time now. In this way, he doesn’t need to deal with too many details that only stress him out. Actually, Jon is a big-picture person rather than a detail-oriented person. Therefore, he should handle one detail at a time. Now he can focus on the big picture and think big!

Interestingly, some dating coaches claim that modern daters should use more than one dating platform online because sticking to just one dating site might be dull and boring. Indeed, when you explore more than one dating websites, you can surely have different experiences. More importantly, while you are on various dating websites, you can regularly check which website is the most effective platform in terms of meeting people that are actually your type! Then you can start to focus on using that particular dating website. That is to say, you say yes to multiple dating websites at the beginning and then select one highly effective dating website to focus on (you can stop using other dating sites if you like when the direction is crystal clear).

Personal development experts point out that modern daters have to prioritize self-care in today’s day and age. For instance, if you have been using internet dating sites for a long time, you should check in with yourself to make sure that you are not ignoring any signs that you’re burnt out. And you also need to keep up with your exercise as well as physical health to make sure that you are always physically fit and well-rested. Don’t forget to cultivate some meaningful hobbies to keep yourself engaged & not totally reliant on dating for your long-term general happiness.

When you need support and feedback, please don’t hesitate to seek what you need. When it comes to dating and relationships, it’s very important to keep your family and friends in the loop about how your dating journey is going because these people can give you support and feedback when you need exactly that. If you can afford to hire a dating coach, you should totally do that because investing in the right advice is the fast-track to success. Frankly, investing in professional advice is more beneficial than asking for family and friends’ advice because your family and friends probably share the same resources with you – if they can change your life, they must have done it already. By contrast, a dating coach is probably very different from most people that you know, so this professional is more likely to give you very valuable help. That also means it’s very important to meet very different people and learn from them! For instance, Greg is an internet marketer and he spends most of his time with people who are in the internet marketing industry. Then he wonders why he can’t meet a woman that makes him happy. His dating coach’s advice is to start hanging out with people who are not in the internet marketing industry. Now Greg is meeting people who are artists, educators and stockbrokers! He says spending time with totally different people is an eye-opening experience which has surely expanded his outlook.

By the way, never underestimate the power of taking a break! As to your mental health and wellbeing, please keep checking in with your feelings and emotions so that burnout won’t creep up on you. Give yourself more time to rest. Dare to rest! Sleep for at least 7 hours per night. Give yourself the permission to occasionally detach from internet dating just to recharge mentally and emotionally. Take more breaks and use these breaks to review your dating goals and adjust them if it’s necessary. For instance, John’s goal was to get married before he turns 35 years old. But now he is already 34 years old, so it’s not realistic for him to get married within one year. Therefore, during a break, he reviewed his goal and adjusted the goal: Now his new goal is to chat with someone on a dating website every day, and find a relationship within one year. He can get married later. He is a down-to-earth and switched-on guy! More importantly, his current goal is more effort-based (not result-based), i.e., chatting with someone on a dating site each day is a part of his goal as well! Research shows that effort-based goals are better than result-based goal because when your focus is the effort that you make, you tend to prioritize your action which leads to the result. It’s a way to make achieving the result inevitable! I would argue that ordinary things that are done consistently can lead to phenomenal results!

Frequently Asked Questions:

1. How do you avoid burnout when dating?

Answer: Don’t overdo it! When dating is overdone, burnout is unavoidable! Just explore several dating sites and find out which dating site is the best, and focus on using that dating website! What’s more, while you are on a dating website, you should chat with one person at a time instead of managing multiple conversations all the time.

• What is dating burnout?

Answer: Dating burnout is feeling exhausted because of spending too much time on internet dating these days, especially when the desired results are not achieved in time.  

• How do I get over my dating burnout?

Answer: You can get over dating burnout by prioritizing self-care, limiting the amount of time you spend online, hiring a dating coach, asking family and friends for support and feedback & chatting with one person at a time.

• How do I stop being overwhelmed by online dating?

Answer: You can start from joining a variety of dating sites and see which dating site works well for you, and then you focus on using one dating website that introduces the right type of people to you. This is a highly effective way to allocate your resources.

• How do you overcome dating fatigue?

Answer: If you feel jaded, it’s time to have a break! Give yourself one week to focus on other areas of your life so that you don’t have to think about dating all the time. Remember that dating is merely one part of life; it’s not your entire life! Give yourself a lot of time if it’s necessary!

• What are the signs that you are dealing with dating burnout?

Answer: First and foremost, if you feel emotionally exhausted, you are probably dealing with dating burnout, particularly if you have already spent a large amount of time on internet dating. Second, if you feel unmotivated and unexcited about dating and relationships, you are obviously dealing with burnout because you are supposed to be keen to find love and start a relationship with your soulmate. 

• Conclusion:

In conclusion, if you feel tired and bored after spending a long time on dating sites, you are possibly dealing with online dating burnout right now, especially when you are not even interested in dating and relationships anymore. That being said, if you can identify signs that indicate burnout early, you would be able to cope with burnout successfully. Strategies include limiting the amount of time you spend online, combining online dating with offline dating, prioritizing self-care and cultivating more hobbies. In fact, internet dating brings a wide variety of benefits, i.e., more opportunities, more efficiency, more convenience, and so forth. As long as you know how to utilize internet dating correctly, you can definitely benefit from dating sites which have already revolutionized the dating scene in this day and age. Statistics show that about 40% of couples met each other online in 2023 and almost all singles have tried internet dating nowadays. Thus, if you still believe in love and you are looking for a serious relationship right now, please get ready to sign up with SimplyDating.com today and experience the best of online Ukraine dating.

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