Dating Eastern European women: Do you have active listening skills?

Previously, I talked about why you should ask fewer questions and use more statements in your conversations with Eastern European women. If you haven’t read that article yet, here is the gist: making statements gives a woman multiple opportunities to comment on what you’ve said in an organic manner, whilst questions aren’t a typical feature of a natural conversation because asking too many questions makes a date look like a dull interview. Okay. Now you know the importance of making more statements on a date.

Actively listen to her.

In reality, most men don’t have great active listening skills. So, if you have fully mastered this skill, you will stand out from the crowd. That is guaranteed.

The ideal way to become better at making statements is to truly, actively listen to what a woman is actually saying. If you do this correctly, you can listen and respond properly. When an Eastern European lady says something, you’d better think about what the main topics she introduces into the interaction are, then you can respond with your comments accordingly.

A boring conversation –

Man: “What did you do on the weekend?”

Woman: “I went to the farmers’ market.”

Man: “Did you enjoy it?”

An interesting conversation –

Man: “What did you do on the weekend?”

Woman: “I went to the farmers’ market.”

Man: “That’s perfect. I used to go to the farmers’ market every weekend when I was living in Sydney. It was a refreshing experience.”

In this conversation, she introduced the ‘farmers’ market’ to the interaction, so you can talk about this subject from your experience. This is the best way to find commonalities without even trying. According to Robert Cialdini (author of Influence), the fastest way to make someone like you is by finding commonalities and using compliments. But please note that Robert Cialdini’s theory applies to sales and marketing most of the time, so in the dating situation, this theory should be adapted – In my opinion, paying too many compliments too quickly is usually a mistake because you shouldn’t put a woman on a pedestal. This is particularly so when it comes to Eastern European women. Ideally, you need to find more commonalities in a natural manner, especially at the initial stage of a relationship.

When and how to pay her a compliment:

A lot of compliments never work due to the following reasons:

1. You pay her a compliment in order to get something from her, e.g., you are actually thinking… “If I pay her a compliment now, she will do XYZ for me.”
2. You give her a generic compliment which is probably a cliché because she has heard the same compliment one thousand times already – now she doesn’t even care.

Remember: a compliment given in the wrong way might make you look weak. Note that a misused or misplaced compliment can make a woman feel uncomfortable & awkward. In contrast, a compliment given in the right way will make a woman think, “This guy completely understands me, so I should know more about this guy.”

Here is the reason why a lady feels awkward or uncomfortable when you are nice to her: She feels that maybe you don’t really mean what you say. For instance, when you pay a generic compliment that focuses on her appearance such as “Your smile is beautiful” – I’m pretty sure she has heard this for many times before.

Now what you need to do is to make the compliment very specific. As I see it, the best compliment should focus on Eastern European women’s personality or behaviour.

Here are some examples:

1. “I like the way you raise an eyebrow each time I tell you a joke.” (Behavior)
2. “I really like seeing you wearing a flower in your hair. You are always so high-spirited.” (Behavior – personality)

Each example above is a personal and specific compliment.

Don’t give compliments too frequently.

Overpraising a woman only puts her on a pedestal. Therefore, please do not overpraise a woman, especially Eastern European women.

Now let me show you how to pay her a compliment without putting her on a pedestal.

Firstly, you can compliment her when you compliment yourself at the same time, e.g., “You are a morning person. That’s great. My favourite thing in the world is to wake up early and do my emails before 8 a.m. so I don’t need to worry about checking my emails throughout the day.”

In this example, you are showing how you are able to relate to her as an individual. In this way, you find commonalities that indicate that you are the perfect match.

“A good compliment is personal, specific, sincere and relatable.”

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