Modern insights into online dating: 3 laws of power in romantic relationships

In mainstream culture, it seems that “power” looks like a dirty or dark concept (e.g., “play power games”). Yet in reality, I would define “power” in romantic relationships in this way: Stillness is always the key – the individual that has more power in a romantic relationship is a high-value, attractive and calm person, but it doesn’t mean this individual must manipulate their romantic partner. In truth, the person that has more power in a romantic relationship is definitely more able to support and help their romantic partner, according to the new research about online dating.

• The first law of power in romantic relationships: Ask fewer questions.

In a sales situation, the person who asks more questions has more power. That’s why an effective salesperson in a department store asks the customer, “Is this for a special occasion?” / “What size do you wear?” / “What color would you like?” – the salesperson needs to identify what exactly the customer will buy.

However, in a relationship, the opposite is true: The person who asks fewer questions has more power. Here’s an example:

(In a restaurant, Martyn and Dorothy are having a date night.)

Dorothy: How was your day?

Martyn: It was okay. I had many meetings.

Dorothy: Who did you go out for lunch with?

Martyn: My co-workers.

Dorothy: Was Rhonda there, too?

Martyn: Yes.

Dorothy: But John also joined you for lunch, right?

Martyn: Yes.

It can be seen that Dorothy is a bit insecure – she is probably worried about whether Martyn is attracted to Rhonda. 

Therefore, when you’re on a date with your partner, remember to ask fewer questions and use more statements in the conversation!

• The second law of power in romantic relationships: Change your partner’s mood rather than their mind.

I’d like to introduce the Mood VS Mind theory here:

The individual that has more power in a romantic relationship is oftentimes able to influence the final outcome. However, powerful persuasion isn’t about constantly using logic to convince somebody. As a matter of fact, in a relationship, powerful persuasion is actually about changing your romantic partner’s mood instead of their mind. Let me explain.

Every man or woman that is great at dating/relationships is surely very good at flirting with individuals that they find attractive. But what does flirting actually do? Realistically, flirting is an effective way to manage another individual’s mood. When somebody’s mood has been changed, usually they change their mind as well. That is to say, when you want to talk your romantic partner into something, you should change her mood rather than her mind. In the end, when her mood is changed, she is very likely to also change her mind, as most women are quite emotional (not extremely analytical). Indeed, when you change her mood, she starts to feel that it’s her own idea to do something – that’s what you want. 

• The third law of power in romantic relationships: You must follow through on your word!

The quickest way to lose your power in a romantic relationship is saying something & then doing the complete opposite, as actions definitely speak louder than words in life. If you tell your girlfriend that there will surely be repercussions or consequences for a certain behavior yet you do not follow through, she won’t take you seriously anymore. Hence, even if you only make a very small promise to her, you must keep your promise. Remember to say what you mean and also mean what you say.

According to online dating experts, like it or not, every romantic relationship has a power dynamic – this is inevitable, although it’s not extremely pleasant. If you would like to have more power so that you can support and help your girlfriend further, please watch this space as we will keep sharing helpful ideas with you regularly.

“Online dating coaches point out that the power dynamic in every relationship is the realism that everybody has to acknowledge.”