What Kills Long Distance Relationships?

In this digital era, online dating has already become a rising trend, which has led to a significant increase in long-distance relationships. Research shows that long-distance relationships can work if you have the right knowledge and skills. Without informed decision-making, these relationships may be very challenging. If you are looking for the best tips for long-distance relationships, you are in for a treat today!

The main reasons long-distance relationships crumble

I know this might sound like a cliché, but a recent study indicates that the main reason long-distance relationships fail is a lack of communication. Indeed, being away from your partner is hard, and in situations where your primary method of remaining connected is online, poor communication often causes a strain on your relationship. Consequently, miscommunication and a lack of connection can lead to major problems.

How to overcome the communication challenge and strengthen the connection

Virtual dates

Dating and relationship experts claim that scheduled romantic virtual date nights are a great help. A couple in a long-distance relationship can watch something online together after preparing a meal or play video games together on the Internet. It’s important to take these virtual dates very seriously. They will surely give you and your partner something exciting to look forward to regularly.

A study conducted by our team at Simply Dating suggests that when date nights are scheduled and prepared for, the results are much better. Hence, perhaps twice a week, you can have a virtual date with your partner online. You can consider having a Zoom dinner together, watching a movie on Netflix together, playing an online video game together, reading an eBook together, etc. Be creative and think outside the box. Creativity makes a romantic relationship sparky.

Long-distance relationships crumble due to a lack of trust and jealousy

Without trust, a relationship doesn’t even exist. Trust is the foundation of all successful relationships. In a situation where you don’t see your partner every day, trust is even more important. The physical distance between you and your partner naturally gives rise to trust issues. If these issues are not addressed in time, they can certainly threaten the relationship.

According to our observations, trust issues can stem from a variety of sources.

1. The absence of physical proximity can sometimes generate doubt and insecurities because you might wonder, “What’s my partner doing when I’m not around?”
2. You don’t see your partner each day & you probably hear horrendous stories about how other people’s relationships fall apart. Your imagination might plant seeds in your head, e.g., “Can I really trust my partner?” That’s how doubt might begin to plague your thoughts.

How to build and maintain trust in your relationship:

In any relationship, you will only get what you give because the Law of Reciprocity is absolutely real. You would be well advised to put your partner first by always being transparent. Open communication is key! You also have to set boundaries and healthy expectations early and kindly by clearly defining boundaries and expectations in the relationship. You should discuss topics such as exclusivity, communication frequency, and how you handle social interactions with others. This way, you can eliminate jealousy and doubt in your relationship.

You’d better proactively build an emotional connection with your partner. When you feel emotionally close, trust naturally grows. The best way to build trust is to invest in building a strong emotional connection with your partner through sharing your hopes and dreams, fears, frustrations, and vulnerabilities honestly.  

Different goals and expectations may cause a breakup

An international dating expert points out that aligning goals and expectations in a long-distance relationship is a paramount conversation. You must have it with your partner at the beginning of the relationship. When partners have different visions for the future, challenges can be tough to overcome.

For example, Toni and Andy have been in a relationship for almost 20 years. Toni secretly wants children, but Andy doesn’t want children. Because Toni doesn’t want to look needy, she never had a conversation about this topic with Andy. Now Toni is over 45 years old, so her window for having children is pretty much gone. Currently, Toni and Andy are breaking up. It seems that Toni’s dream won’t come true because she is over 45.

Both people must have honest conversations about each other’s future plans at the initial stage of a relationship. Both people have to be on the same page about what the future looks like. What’s more, the amount of commitment from both partners should be the same in a sustainable relationship because a healthy relationship can’t be a one-way street. 

How to tactfully talk about long-term goals with your partner:

A long-lasting relationship is best characterised by two people whose goals are compatible. Ideally, these two people need to have the same goals. But we are not living in a perfect world. Sometimes it’s necessary to have an honest discussion in this regard. Chances are, two people may have compatible goals, although their goals are different. 

The ‘I’ message

Greg and Emily have been married for almost 10 years. Emily doesn’t want children, but Greg wants kids, so Greg says to her, “I really want to be a father.” Emily loves Greg so much that she is willing to have children to make him happier. As a result, Emily gave birth to twins at the age of 39. They are still happily married and enjoying family life together. Emily is happy to change her plan to make their marriage better. Some people’s plans are negotiable.

Without honest discussions, you wouldn’t know whether something was negotiable or not. In this case, Greg used the ‘I’ message. The way he communicates his expectations is about how ‘I’ feel rather than what ‘you’ should do. This way, the conversation isn’t about blaming someone else. It’s all about what ‘I’ expect. Communication strategists claim that an ‘I’ message is a good strategy because it’s effective and efficient. There is nothing for the other person to rebel against, so the other person is more likely to do exactly what is expected. 

Next, in a long-distance relationship, emotional intimacy could be neglected due to the distance. Just as the saying goes, “Out of sight, out of mind”. The emotional intimacy in a romantic relationship can be ignored because a couple doesn’t have the opportunity to see each other in real life. This might lead to a breakup in the end.

How to strengthen emotional intimacy in a long-distance relationship:

Despite the physical distance, a couple can still nurture their emotional intimacy in their long-distance relationship.

1. In today’s world, technology enables people to build emotional connections even when they’re physically apart, thanks to the Internet. Through online messaging and video/audio calls, couples can stay in touch effortlessly. It’s advisable to text your partner daily and schedule video calls at least three times a week, but it’s important to be realistic about communication expectations. While some couples set strict rules for regular calls, I prefer a more organic approach to staying connected in my relationships.
2. When my partner and I were a long-distance couple, we talked to each other when we wanted to, not because we had to. That means we sometimes had a few days without communicating, and that was perfectly fine. After all, both of us got busy at times, which is normal and understandable. I found having several days to myself periodically quite healthy! 
3. Sometimes it’s better to send each other emails because writing is a very romantic way to communicate online, especially if you are a great writer. After interviewing many long-distance couples who participated in a relevant study, I have discovered that those who are good at writing generally have better relationships because their captivating writing can help them maintain the spark.
4. You can send each other gifts by post regularly, e.g., Christmas presents, birthday presents and Valentine’s Day gifts. Why not surprise your partner with something unexpected? Fiona lives in Europe, and her partner Larry lives in the United States. In December last year, Larry sent Fiona a non-fiction book about how to pursue true love despite difficulties. Fiona sent Larry a fiction book about the same topic. Larry says he loves the fiction book because it gives him various vivid examples of how that is done in life. Yes, fiction books can be more educational than non-fiction books!
5. Dealing with time zone differences is another tough part of long-distance relationships. Time is quite important – once it’s gone, it’s gone! Nowadays, everyone’s busy, so adding time zones to the mix can make things even trickier. It can feel like keeping the relationship going is just another thing to do on a long list of tasks. on the to-do list.

How to manage time effectively:

1. You can share your Google calendar with each other online, so you know what’s happening in your partner’s life every day. You might as well use different colours to highlight different categories on your Google calendar. For example, green = work; blue = play; and red = virtual dates. You can also use an online diary that you share with your partner, so both you and your partner can see when the next virtual date is and what you will do together.

2. You may change the way you do things so you can have more time for your relationship, which requires more effort.
   
   For instance, Anita lives in Eastern Europe and her partner Xavier lives in North America. Because Anita has decided to spend more time with Xavier on Zoom every night, she buys a takeout on her way home and doesn’t cook dinner from Monday to Friday. Xavier has changed his daily routine as well. Instead of going to the gym every night, he walks home after work, so he can save about half an hour every night.

3. If you and your partner have a big time difference, maybe it’s not easy to find the right time for a Zoom chat every day. In this situation, you may have a Zoom chat once a week and send each other emails more frequently. What about sending each other traditional love letters by post? Writing something romantic on a piece of beautiful paper is a unique way to express real love in today’s day and age when everyone is chatting online. I believe that the old-school approach is more interesting!

4. Setting realistic expectations for communication frequency is of vital importance. If one person needs to chat once a day whereas the other person needs to chat three times a day, this couple should have a candid conversation and find a happy medium, e.g., chatting with each other twice a day. 

Crisis management and conflict resolution:

Researchers have recently discovered that crises, conflicts, and a few small arguments can intensify in long-distance relationships. When two people can’t see each other, they can’t read each other’s body language and facial expressions. As a consequence, misunderstandings arise very easily without a warning. That’s exactly why having important conversations via texting is always a bad idea. As I see it, when you have an uncomfortable but important conversation with your partner, you need to call or have a video chat with your partner. Avoid texting in this scenario, please. When you have a video chat, it’s easier for you to see each other’s facial expressions and body language. It is an amazing way to help you minimise the possibility of misunderstanding each other online.

In addition, whenever you are solving a problem in your relationship, it’s always you and your partner vs the problem, not you vs your partner! Remember: you and your partner are a team at all times.

Having patience and empathy for your long-distance partner is key.

Without patience and empathy, long-distance relationships rarely last. The distance between you and your partner is testing the strength of your character. When you and your partner are in two different locations, it’s harder to meet each other’s needs properly. That’s why you really have to be more understanding in every way. Big heart. Big love.

A few things to keep in mind in your long-distance relationship

What ruins long-distance relationships (LDR)?

A lack of a shared vision ruins an LDR. A few typical examples:
A) Dawn wants to marry her partner Ian, who lives in another country. However, they don’t have any plans to move to the same location, so their relationship doesn’t work. Note that a good LDR’s, distance is temporary.
B) Wendy is in an LDR with William. Wendy thinks it’s an exclusive, committed relationship, but William doesn’t think so. Yet they never had a real conversation about this topic, so they live in two very different assumptions. That’s exactly why their LDR doesn’t work at all.

What is the hardest thing about an LDR?

When your needs are not met and temptation is nearby, flirting with other people becomes irresistible. The hardest thing in an LDR is remaining faithful to your partner in every single way. Don’t forget that emotional cheating is also a type of cheating. 

What are the red flags in an LDR?

There are several common red flags:
I) Someone stops investing in this LDR;
II) Someone avoids deep and meaningful conversations in this LDR;
III) You don’t even have a plan to be together in the long term.

What should you avoid in an LDR?

First and foremost, you have to avoid making your partner jealous.
Jennifer and Richard are in an LDR. Jennifer has told Richard that her co-worker is asking her out because she assumes that making Richard jealous would make him desire her even more. Nevertheless, when Richard heard that, he said to Jennifer, “Is that all you want to tell me today?” Then Richard invests in this relationship less and less. In other words, when your partner doesn’t have relationship certainty, the LDR becomes weak. In the second place, you must avoid telling your partner that you are jealous.

Vivian and Edward are in an LDR. Because Vivian doesn’t have enough confidence, she always thinks that Edward is flirting with other women. Consequently, she questions whatever Edward says. Sadly, their constant arguments have planted a seed in Edward’s head. He starts to find other women more and more attractive because talking with Vivian is truly exhausting. So, their LDR doesn’t last.

Additionally, you should avoid lying to your partner. According to my first-hand experience, I can tell that someone is lying to me most of the time because I have brains and my intuition is strong. After I realised that someone had lied to me once, I never trusted that person again. Hence, please don’t lie to your partner; you don’t want to lose their trust! Without trust, a relationship is vulnerable. Full stop. 

Ways to maintain a long-distance relationship

There are a wide variety of ways to maintain a healthy relationship during periods of separation. Sending each other romantic love letters and surprising each other with unexpected & meaningful gifts are a few ways. When you and your partner are in two different cities or countries, you become much more creative. Although LDRs are difficult, so are most other relationships.

I have never seen a relationship that is very easy because all relationships require work. We should probably look at the advantages of LDRs as well.

When you don’t see your partner all the time, the anticipation of seeing your partner again makes life more exciting because there is always something to look forward to. You don’t get bored, as you don’t see your partner every day. Your creativity is stimulated; you find new ways to have virtual dates regularly with your partner on the Internet. You learn how to make a long-distance relationship interesting. I even know an older couple who have become computer-savvy because they don’t live together. They have to use the Internet to remain connected.

Make long distance relationships easy for you

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If you are in an LDR, be sure to make every reunion special. Dress up. Do enjoyable activities that you both love. Give each other your full attention. Be fully present. Celebrate your love. You deserve a high-quality relationship that lasts for the rest of your life!